Hilarious Answering Machine Messages.
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1. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here, so leave a message.
2. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
3. Hi. I am probably home. I’m avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
4. Hi, I’m not at home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
5. If you are a burglar, then we’re at home cleaning our weapons right now and can’t answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren’t home and it is safe to leave us a message.
6.He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave “sexy message,” I call you sooner!
7. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
8. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charities through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
9. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.
10. Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
11. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll get back to you.