Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows.
– David T. Wolf
Archive for January, 2004
Quote: David T. Wolf
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004Quote: P. G. Wodehouse
Monday, January 12th, 2004The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
– P. G. Wodehouse
Unlikely Golfing Buddies
Sunday, January 11th, 2004A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.
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Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, “Say, we’re about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?”
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn’t like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they’re walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses
that he’s the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he’s the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, “No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.”
The pro says, “Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”
The Priest says, “Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I’ll marry them for you.”
Quote: John Wooden
Saturday, January 10th, 2004“Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good role models more than they need critics. It
is one of a parent’s greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
Too often fathers neglect it because they get so caught up in
making living they forget to make a life.”
–John Wooden, former
UCLA Basketball Coach
Quote: Abe Lincoln
Friday, January 9th, 2004And in the end it’s not the year’s in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.
– Abe Lincoln
The College Student
Thursday, January 8th, 2004“A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. She
considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, but her
father was a staunch Republican.
One day she was challenging
her father on his beliefs and his opposition to high taxes and
welfare programs. He stopped her and asked how she was doing in
school.
She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA, but it was really
tough. She had to study all the time and never had time to go
out and party. She didn’t have time for a boyfriend and didn’t
really have many college friends because of spending all her time
studying. On top of that, the part-time job her father insisted
she keep left absolutely no time for anything else.
He asked, ‘How
is your friend Mary?’ She replied that Mary was barely getting
by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on
campus, didn’t have a job, and went to all the parties. She was
always complaining about not having any money, but didn’t want
to work. Why, she often didn’t show up for classes because she
was hung over.
Dad then asked his daughter why she didn’t go to
the Dean’s office and request that 1.0 be taken off her 4.0 and
given it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would
both have a respectable 3.0 GPA. Then, she could also give her
friend half the money she’d earned from her job so that her friend
would no longer be broke.
The daughter angrily fired back, ‘That
wouldn’t be fair. I worked really hard for my grades and money,
and Mary just loafs. Why should her laziness and irresponsibility
be rewarded with half of what I’ve worked for?’
The father slowly
smiled and said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party’.”
–Unattributed
Quote: Woody Allen
Thursday, January 8th, 2004To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
– Woody Allen
Oil and Fish
Thursday, January 8th, 2004Students at school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year old wrote, “When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.”
Quote: Lester J. Pourciau
Tuesday, January 6th, 2004There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.
– Lester J. Pourciau
Quote: Electromagnetics
Tuesday, January 6th, 2004God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
– Sir William Bragg