Archive for May, 2004

Quote: Abraham Lincoln

Monday, May 31st, 2004

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

– Abraham Lincoln

Quote: Hank Aaron

Sunday, May 30th, 2004

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.

-Hank Aaron, American Baseball Player

The Sleeping Juror

Saturday, May 29th, 2004

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination when he stopped and said: “Your honor, a juror is asleep.”

The judge ruled: “You put him to sleep; you wake him up.”

Quote: Sir William Bragg

Friday, May 28th, 2004

God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

– Sir William Bragg

Quote: Douglas Adams

Thursday, May 27th, 2004

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.
— Douglas Adams

Quote: Woody Allen

Wednesday, May 26th, 2004

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

-Woody Allen

The DC-8 Landing

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”

Our hero, the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: “I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like that and I’ll have enough parts for another one!”

Quote: George Washingont

Monday, May 24th, 2004

“If we desire to insult, we must be able to repel it; if we
desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of
our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times
ready for War.”

–George Washington

Finch Drinking Upside Down

Sunday, May 23rd, 2004

What a great shot!!

A Daughters Letter

Saturday, May 22nd, 2004

A mother enters her daughter’s bedroom and sees a letter
on the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with
trembling hands:

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you
that I have eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real
passion and he is so nice, even with all his piercing and
tattoos, and I love riding on the back of his big
motorcycle. But it’s not only that mom, I’m pregnant and
Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in
the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and
that’s one of my dreams. I’ve learned that marijuana
doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his
friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and
ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we’ll pray for
science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he
deserves it. Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I
know how to take care of myself. Some day I’ll visit so
you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,


PS: Mom, it’s not true. I’m next door at Sandy’s. I just
wanted to show you that there are worse things in life
than my report card that’s in my desk drawer…I love you!