Archive for May, 2004

The Caterbury Tales

Friday, May 21st, 2004

My son stayed up half the night studying for his English
Literature exam. He would drink coffee almost constantly
while attempting to read “The Canterbury Tales.” I awoke
at 4 A. M. and found him studying with mug in hand, and
asked him, “What have you got there?”

He answered… “Just my cup and Chaucer.”

Quote: Neal Boortz

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

“One of the Iraqi prisoners who was abused by U.S. reservists
says he is so humiliated he can’t return to his hometown. So,
he wants to come live in the United States. Think about this
for a minute. This Iraqi is abused by Americans. As a result
of that abuse he wants to go live in America… We are one evil,
horrible country, aren’t we?”

–Neal Boortz

Quote: Bertrand Russell

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.

–Bertrand Russell

Quote: George Washington

Saturday, May 15th, 2004

“My ardent desire is, and my aim has been…to comply strictly
with all our engagements foreign and domestic; but to keep the U
States free from political connections with every other Country.
To see that they may be independent of all, and under the influence
of none. In a word, I want an American character, that the powers
of Europe may be convinced we act for ourselves and not for others;
this, in my judgment, is the only way to be respected abroad and
happy at home.”

–George Washington

Quote: Chuck Colson

Friday, May 14th, 2004

“Christ’s followers have continued to outrage people through two
millennium; they are still outraging people today and paying the
same terrible price. In China, authorities have tortured Christians
to death by pouring molten metal over their heads. In North Korean,
Christians are sent to re-education camps, tortured, and killed. In
Saudi Arabia, the death penalty threatens anyone converting
from Islam to Christianity. Tyrants subject Christians to this
ferocious treatment out of fear: The Christian’s obedience to a
higher authority threatens their own power. China’s leaders, for
example, are acutely aware of the role Christianity played in the
collapse of Communism in Eastern Europe — and are determined not
to let the same thing happen to them. Since the first century, the
story of the carpenter and the Cross has been attacked, ridiculed,
driven underground. In the former Soviet Union, Communist leaders
spent 70 years trying to wipe out belief.

In the West, the story earned the contempt of Enlightenment thinkers and the followers of
Darwin and Freud. Theologians have tried to de-mythologize the
Bible, academics have torn it to shreds, and teachers have told
generations of children that it’s just a collection of myths.
The result? Two billion people worldwide put their faith in
Him. The reason is simple: The story is true. God acted in time
and space, providing hope for every human being.”

–Chuck Colson

Quote: President G. W. Bush

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

“It really gets me when the critics say I haven’t done enough for
the economy. I mean, look what I’ve done for the book publishing
industry. You’ve heard some of the titles. ‘Big Lies,’ ‘The Lies
of George W. Bush,’ ‘The Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them.’
I’d like to tell you I’ve read each of these books, but that’d
be a lie.”

–President G. W. Bush

Quote: Alexander Hamilton

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

“War, like most other things, is a science to be acquired
and perfected by diligence, by perseverance, by time, and by

–Alexander Hamilton, Federalist No. 25

Pronouncing Ouch

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004

“Ough” can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.

Senior Personal Ads

Monday, May 10th, 2004

Some “Senior” personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:

(Who says seniors don’t have a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5′4″ (used to be 5′6″), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

Fruity Wisdom

Sunday, May 9th, 2004

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.