12.27.03
Posted in Jokes at 12:36 pm by Ron_Gines
Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I’m suffocating….
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.
Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football
Before - Is that all you’re having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, Honey.
Before - $60/doz.
After - $1.50/stem
Before - We agree on everything.
After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?
Before - Charming and Noble
After - Chernobyl
Before - Idol
After - Idle
Before - He’s completely lost without me.
After - Why won’t he ever ask for directions?
Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant
Before - Oysters
After - Fishsticks
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12.28.03
Posted in Quotes at 1:23 pm by Ron_Gines
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.
– Ronald Reagan
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01.06.04
Posted in Quotes at 9:14 pm by Ron_Gines
“Every government degenerates when trusted to the rulers of the people alone. The people themselves, therefore, are its only safe depositories.”
–Thomas Jefferson
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Posted in Quotes at 9:18 pm by Ron_Gines
God runs electromagnetics by wave theory on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
– Sir William Bragg
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Posted in Quotes at 10:04 pm by Ron_Gines
There is no monument dedicated to the memory of a committee.
– Lester J. Pourciau
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01.08.04
Posted in Jokes at 8:00 pm by Ron_Gines
Students at school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year old wrote, “When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.”
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Posted in Quotes at 8:38 pm by Ron_Gines
To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.
– Woody Allen
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Posted in Quotes at 9:25 pm by Ron_Gines
“A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. She
considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, but her
father was a staunch Republican.
One day she was challenging
her father on his beliefs and his opposition to high taxes and
welfare programs. He stopped her and asked how she was doing in
school.
She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA, but it was really
tough. She had to study all the time and never had time to go
out and party. She didn’t have time for a boyfriend and didn’t
really have many college friends because of spending all her time
studying. On top of that, the part-time job her father insisted
she keep left absolutely no time for anything else.
He asked, ‘How
is your friend Mary?’ She replied that Mary was barely getting
by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, but was very popular on
campus, didn’t have a job, and went to all the parties. She was
always complaining about not having any money, but didn’t want
to work. Why, she often didn’t show up for classes because she
was hung over.
Dad then asked his daughter why she didn’t go to
the Dean’s office and request that 1.0 be taken off her 4.0 and
given it to her friend who only had a 2.0. That way they would
both have a respectable 3.0 GPA. Then, she could also give her
friend half the money she’d earned from her job so that her friend
would no longer be broke.
The daughter angrily fired back, ‘That
wouldn’t be fair. I worked really hard for my grades and money,
and Mary just loafs. Why should her laziness and irresponsibility
be rewarded with half of what I’ve worked for?’
The father slowly
smiled and said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party’.”
–Unattributed
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01.09.04
Posted in Quotes at 3:00 am by Ron_Gines
And in the end it’s not the year’s in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.
– Abe Lincoln
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01.10.04
Posted in Quotes at 3:00 am by Ron_Gines
“Being a role model is the most powerful form of educating.
Youngsters need good role models more than they need critics. It
is one of a parent’s greatest responsibilities and opportunities.
Too often fathers neglect it because they get so caught up in
making living they forget to make a life.”
–John Wooden, former
UCLA Basketball Coach
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