Quote: Chuck Colson

May 14th, 2004

“Christ’s followers have continued to outrage people through two
millennium; they are still outraging people today and paying the
same terrible price. In China, authorities have tortured Christians
to death by pouring molten metal over their heads. In North Korean,
Christians are sent to re-education camps, tortured, and killed. In
Saudi Arabia, the death penalty threatens anyone converting
from Islam to Christianity. Tyrants subject Christians to this
ferocious treatment out of fear: The Christian’s obedience to a
higher authority threatens their own power. China’s leaders, for
example, are acutely aware of the role Christianity played in the
collapse of Communism in Eastern Europe — and are determined not
to let the same thing happen to them. Since the first century, the
story of the carpenter and the Cross has been attacked, ridiculed,
driven underground. In the former Soviet Union, Communist leaders
spent 70 years trying to wipe out belief.

In the West, the story earned the contempt of Enlightenment thinkers and the followers of
Darwin and Freud. Theologians have tried to de-mythologize the
Bible, academics have torn it to shreds, and teachers have told
generations of children that it’s just a collection of myths.
The result? Two billion people worldwide put their faith in
Him. The reason is simple: The story is true. God acted in time
and space, providing hope for every human being.”

–Chuck Colson

Quote: President G. W. Bush

May 13th, 2004

“It really gets me when the critics say I haven’t done enough for
the economy. I mean, look what I’ve done for the book publishing
industry. You’ve heard some of the titles. ‘Big Lies,’ ‘The Lies
of George W. Bush,’ ‘The Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them.’
I’d like to tell you I’ve read each of these books, but that’d
be a lie.”

–President G. W. Bush

Quote: Alexander Hamilton

May 13th, 2004

“War, like most other things, is a science to be acquired
and perfected by diligence, by perseverance, by time, and by
practice.”

–Alexander Hamilton, Federalist No. 25

Pronouncing Ouch

May 11th, 2004

“Ough” can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.

Senior Personal Ads

May 10th, 2004

Some “Senior” personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:

(Who says seniors don’t have a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5′4″ (used to be 5′6″), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

Fruity Wisdom

May 9th, 2004

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Long Distance Breakup

May 8th, 2004

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a
“Dear John” letter from his girlfriend back home. It read
as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance
between us is just too great. I must admit that I have
cheated on you twice since you’ve been gone, and it’s not
fair to either of us. I’m sorry. Please return the picture
of me that I sent to you.

Love,

Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines
for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends,
sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc.

In addition
to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other
pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his
buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope, along
with this note.

Dear Becky,

I”m sorry, but I can’t quite remember who you are. Please
take your picture from the pile and send the rest back to
me.

Love,

Ricky

Quote: James Madison

May 7th, 2004

“Public opinion sets bounds to every government, and is the real
sovereign in every free one.”

–James Madison

Blowing Fuses

May 6th, 2004

My husband was once employed in the printing division of a
large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the
top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in
just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down
as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place.
When the appointed lookout yelled, “Here they come!” fifty
fingers that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons
pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building.

Quote: Wolfgang Pauli

May 5th, 2004

“This isn’t right, this isn’t even wrong.”

–Wolfgang Pauli
(1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist’s paper