Quote: Douglas Adams

May 27th, 2004

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.
— Douglas Adams

Quote: Woody Allen

May 26th, 2004

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

-Woody Allen

The DC-8 Landing

May 25th, 2004

One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, “What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?”

Our hero, the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: “I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like that and I’ll have enough parts for another one!”

Quote: George Washingont

May 24th, 2004

“If we desire to insult, we must be able to repel it; if we
desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of
our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times
ready for War.”

–George Washington

Finch Drinking Upside Down

May 23rd, 2004

What a great shot!!

A Daughters Letter

May 22nd, 2004

A mother enters her daughter’s bedroom and sees a letter
on the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with
trembling hands:

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m telling you
that I have eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real
passion and he is so nice, even with all his piercing and
tattoos, and I love riding on the back of his big
motorcycle. But it’s not only that mom, I’m pregnant and
Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in
the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and
that’s one of my dreams. I’ve learned that marijuana
doesn’t hurt anyone and we’ll be growing it for us and his
friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and
ecstasy we may want. In the meantime, we’ll pray for
science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he
deserves it. Don’t worry Mom, I’m 15 years old now and I
know how to take care of myself. Some day I’ll visit so
you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,


PS: Mom, it’s not true. I’m next door at Sandy’s. I just
wanted to show you that there are worse things in life
than my report card that’s in my desk drawer…I love you!

The Caterbury Tales

May 21st, 2004

My son stayed up half the night studying for his English
Literature exam. He would drink coffee almost constantly
while attempting to read “The Canterbury Tales.” I awoke
at 4 A. M. and found him studying with mug in hand, and
asked him, “What have you got there?”

He answered… “Just my cup and Chaucer.”

Quote: Neal Boortz

May 20th, 2004

“One of the Iraqi prisoners who was abused by U.S. reservists
says he is so humiliated he can’t return to his hometown. So,
he wants to come live in the United States. Think about this
for a minute. This Iraqi is abused by Americans. As a result
of that abuse he wants to go live in America… We are one evil,
horrible country, aren’t we?”

–Neal Boortz

Quote: Bertrand Russell

May 19th, 2004

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.

–Bertrand Russell

Quote: George Washington

May 15th, 2004

“My ardent desire is, and my aim has been…to comply strictly
with all our engagements foreign and domestic; but to keep the U
States free from political connections with every other Country.
To see that they may be independent of all, and under the influence
of none. In a word, I want an American character, that the powers
of Europe may be convinced we act for ourselves and not for others;
this, in my judgment, is the only way to be respected abroad and
happy at home.”

–George Washington